i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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