Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
