I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
