Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
