Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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