But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
