i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Little spoons don't ask big questions
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
