I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
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