Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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