Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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