I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
that may or may not have been my penis.
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