seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
My feet surprised me
Randomize
