I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
