I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
