Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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