Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
All I want is dick and wine.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
