ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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