i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
