May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
