You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
