fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
