Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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