i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Randomize
