first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
