Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
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