Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
