I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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