I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
