Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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