Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
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