just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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