I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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