Christians are straight up FREAKS
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
