I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
