dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
