No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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