so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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