we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
