I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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