I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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