I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
