Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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