Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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