awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
