Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Use "feeling words"
Yay
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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