I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
