I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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