I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
