does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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