i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Just high enough for therapy.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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