you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Randomize
