there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
