...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize