yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
