i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
