Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
