Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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