today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize