fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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