the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
