it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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