how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
