Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
