I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
You smell like stripper and shame
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
