I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
