I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Someone shattered a urinal.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize