I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
