No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
