I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Houston, we have a blender
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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